For Lindsey,
Hopefully, this tale, while abstract, will help you understand. You captivate me for many reasons I am unable to express. And, no, I’m not looking for you to provide me shade.
Once upon a time there was a boy who went into the forest in search of the perfect tree. He stopped at many trees as he traveled through the forest. Some trees were too big. Some trees didn’t provide enough shade. Some trees were the homes for beasts and bugs. The boy did not enjoy being clawed at and bitten so he tried to avoid these trees. The boy learned to stay away from pine trees because the sap was so sticky and dry pine needles would make him itch when they fell down his shirt.
One day, while walking through the forest, the boy heard beautiful singing. The boy, seeking companionship after many days alone, decided to locate the singing woman. Upon following the voice, the boy came upon a glen with one lone sapling in the center. As the boy walked into the glen, the voice became much more audible. He searched about the glen but found no one.
Finally, the voice exclaimed, “Confound it boy! Please cease your pacing, it’s making me nervous.”
The startled boy stammered, “S-sorry. Umm. Where are you?”
The voice spoke back, “I sit here in the middle of the glen. You’ve walked past me three or four times already. Why do you bother with such silly questions?”
This quite confused the boy. He had searched the glen. There was no woman here. The boy then stretched out his hands and began feeling through the air. “I – don’t – see – you. You’re – not – a – w-witch, are you?”
The voice made a lilting laugh. “I am no witch, little one. I am the young sapling that basks in the sun before you.”
The boy, a bit confounded by this realization, stumbled backwards and fell on his rump. Then on hands and knees he slowly crawled towards the sapling. As he slowly reached out towards the sapling to touch it, the sapling yelled, “Boo!” and the boy jumped back in alarm. The sapling giggled mischievously.
The boy grinned stupidly at the joke made on his behalf. And, unsure how to proceed on this uncertain ground, he asked, “Sapling, may I sit under your shade?”
The boy could’ve kicked himself for asking such a stupid question. But, the sapling was pleasantly surprised. “Oh, yes. I’d like that. I’ve never been asked that you know?” The sapling then asked, “So, what brings you so deep into the forest?”
The boy told the sapling of his quest to find the perfect tree. He explained how all the trees he’s come across were not what he was looking for. He told the sapling how he had thought about abandoning the search for the perfect tree or perhaps settling for a good tree. Towards the end of his story it began to rain and the sapling spread it’s branches to try to keep the boy dry. The boy continued with his story. He finished by telling the sapling how he had found the perfect tree – the sapling.
“But I will not always be the same,” said the sapling, “I too will grow into a big tree.”
“I will grow with you,” the boy replied.
“Not all days will be good. Some days I will have bugs or critters that will chase you away,” said the sapling.
“Spending the day under your branches is more than worth an occasional bite or scratch,” the boy replied.
“On occasion, I too will be sappy,” said the sapling.
“Sap may be sticky, but it washes off. You need not fear,” said the boy.
“But, I am not perfect,” said the sapling. “Other trees provide better shade. Other trees sprout beautiful flowers. Other trees will make much better companions to climb.”
“I care not what these other trees offer. You are what I had hoped for in a tree, though I thought a tree like you was only a fairy tale,” said the boy.
“What makes me different than the other trees?” asked the sapling.
“It is your beautiful voice,” said the boy. “Your voice brings me joy. Your voice makes me want to sing. And, if I cannot take you home, I will spend forever in the forest.”
“And, what if I lose my voice?” prodded the sapling.
“Your voice is not simply the noise you make. It is the way you offer me your shade. It is the way you keep me out of the rain. Such things make you the perfect tree.”
As the tree was about to consent to going with the boy, a hundred-foot tall hill giant walked into, or should I say on, the glen and squished both the boy and the tree into a mess of sticky goo and twigs. (C’mon, it’s best to end this way. This story was on the verge of botaniphilia, and no one wants to read about that.)
June 10, 2010
May 9, 2010
Little Robot Friend
I used to have this little robot friend. I don't know where he came from. Nor do I know his name. But, one day he was on my doorstep. He was short, maybe 2 feet tall, and he was covered with blinking-flashing lights like something from 70's Sci-Fi.
We talked for hours that first day. I found him really easy to talk to. I told him all about my life and he told me about his. He told me about the cold void of space and we both realized that wasn't much different from being heartbroken. But, we both realized how amazing the rest of it was. Hurtling to a new planet not knowing what was in store. Finding lush forests filled with ridiculous animals. And, sometimes... sometimes, finding an amazing friend.
He didn't stay long my little robot friend. But, I think he'll be back. One day, we'll talk again, and this time I plan to get his name.
We talked for hours that first day. I found him really easy to talk to. I told him all about my life and he told me about his. He told me about the cold void of space and we both realized that wasn't much different from being heartbroken. But, we both realized how amazing the rest of it was. Hurtling to a new planet not knowing what was in store. Finding lush forests filled with ridiculous animals. And, sometimes... sometimes, finding an amazing friend.
He didn't stay long my little robot friend. But, I think he'll be back. One day, we'll talk again, and this time I plan to get his name.
April 10, 2010
Dreaming
For the past couple months I've been having this reoccurring dream. I wake up in bed and groggily crawl out. There's no beautiful brunette who sneaks into my room and gets in to bed with me, no stepping off the bed into a bottomless pit, nor a monster chasing me.
I get ready for work. Shower, shave, brush my teeth and nothing eventful happens. I keep expecting something to happen. There's a slight sense of dread. But, it's all very routine. And, if it wasn't for the fact that it happens every time I dream, I would not remember it.
Arriving at work there are mixed feelings of urgency and being overwhelmed. I often wonder if the building is going to collapse on us all or a zombie apocalypse will being. They don't. Instead I type away frantically for what feels like hours. Typing the same things over and over. Numbers, letters, it's like a boring version of Tetris dreams.
And, after a whole lot of nothing happens, I wake up angry. I shout, "What does it all mean!?" But, soon the distractions of the day take me away from the dream and it's forgotten again.
I would tell you more of what I can remember, but the Curmudgeon is seeking me out tonight. I will play a game with him. I will pretend that I cannot escape his chase. I will let him get ever closer. So close that there is no way I can escape and then poof! I will disappear like a fiendish ghost. I shall reappear in the sky and soar through the clouds. Today will be a good day.
I get ready for work. Shower, shave, brush my teeth and nothing eventful happens. I keep expecting something to happen. There's a slight sense of dread. But, it's all very routine. And, if it wasn't for the fact that it happens every time I dream, I would not remember it.
Arriving at work there are mixed feelings of urgency and being overwhelmed. I often wonder if the building is going to collapse on us all or a zombie apocalypse will being. They don't. Instead I type away frantically for what feels like hours. Typing the same things over and over. Numbers, letters, it's like a boring version of Tetris dreams.
And, after a whole lot of nothing happens, I wake up angry. I shout, "What does it all mean!?" But, soon the distractions of the day take me away from the dream and it's forgotten again.
I would tell you more of what I can remember, but the Curmudgeon is seeking me out tonight. I will play a game with him. I will pretend that I cannot escape his chase. I will let him get ever closer. So close that there is no way I can escape and then poof! I will disappear like a fiendish ghost. I shall reappear in the sky and soar through the clouds. Today will be a good day.
July 9, 2009
Bad Day
Hearts are stupid. They should learn to listen to brains. It doesn't even matter how much you try to reason with the stupid things. You thump your chest and say, "Listen mister! You stop hurting or I'll give you something to hurt about." But, you learn quickly that hearts don't respond to idle threats.
So, you live a life of distraction. You surround yourself with awesome friends to hang out with. The best thing is that you end up with many new awesome friends you didn't even know would be there for you. And, your heart celebrates this and it helps take away some of the pain.
You get to the point where you think, "Hey, maybe it's time to try my hand at the game of love again." You date some people. It's good. It's bad. You date someone you like. But, the whole time you're evaluating these new feelings. The last thing you want is hurt someone else, to rebound off them.
You're being a good person. You're letting yourself feel real feelings. You're letting go of the past. You're not latching on to the first person who comes along (for selfish reasons or otherwise). And, then you have a bad day. A bad, stupid day because it was a day that was important to the past you're trying to let go.
All you want is to stop feeling so miserable. You want to lash out at the person who caused the pain. You want to bury yourself in frivolous affections to forget how terrible you feel. But, you know it'd be unfair to act on these thoughts. So, you hold strong and wait.
So, you live a life of distraction. You surround yourself with awesome friends to hang out with. The best thing is that you end up with many new awesome friends you didn't even know would be there for you. And, your heart celebrates this and it helps take away some of the pain.
You get to the point where you think, "Hey, maybe it's time to try my hand at the game of love again." You date some people. It's good. It's bad. You date someone you like. But, the whole time you're evaluating these new feelings. The last thing you want is hurt someone else, to rebound off them.
You're being a good person. You're letting yourself feel real feelings. You're letting go of the past. You're not latching on to the first person who comes along (for selfish reasons or otherwise). And, then you have a bad day. A bad, stupid day because it was a day that was important to the past you're trying to let go.
All you want is to stop feeling so miserable. You want to lash out at the person who caused the pain. You want to bury yourself in frivolous affections to forget how terrible you feel. But, you know it'd be unfair to act on these thoughts. So, you hold strong and wait.
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