Bugger

If you'd have asked me a year ago whether Lindsey and I would ever get divorced I would've said, "No way!" Even nine months ago I'd have been certain everything was going to be OK. "We're just going through a rough patch."

But, it seems, hurt leads to hurt leads to more hurt. And, it's not as though we were at each other's throats. We got along and still get along well, which I think makes this all that much harder. I think it'd be much easier divorcing someone I hate.

What option do you have when you and your spouse's life goals don't match up. And, the ugly result is that your heart breaks a little bit every time you're together. Yet, you don't want to and don't know how to be without your spouse.

When she moved in with her parents in November, I think my heart hopped out of my chest, grew legs, and followed her there. For months I've been hoping somehow things would work out. (I think that's why I haven't really told most people that we were having problems, let alone that we were probably going to get divorced.)

So, I sit here with a computer screen to talk to. "Hello computer." (Makes me think of Star Trek IV, when Scotty tries talking to the computer.) So, I'll throw my thoughts out into the ether. Maybe I'll be lucky and they won't come back, instead of going over and over them every night. Some nights I think it's enough to drive a person crazy. And, perhaps I'm there as I'm now talking to illuminated text.